No Expectations
The Rolling Stones’ lyrics “Take me to the station and put me on a train, I’ve got no expectations, to pass through here again,” remind me that peace of mind arises when I let go of the illusion of control. My expectations are usually unaligned with what reality has to offer. I continue to end up in a state of disappointment when my imagination conjures ideas that exceed what’s available to me. Friends have told me several times in the past, “to assume makes an ass out of you and me.” I should listen to them more often.
Many events including New Years Eve, Christmas, Halloween and St. Patrick’s day fills people with anticipation. These times of year rarely live up to our ideals. My expectations have decreased over time because of the surprisingly mundane nature of many of these holidays. One New Year's Eve when I was in high school, my dad, brother and I were visiting Miami.
My brother found some friends to hang out with so my dad and I attempted to make it the most mundane and odd New Year’s Eve on record. We ate pancakes at IHOP, smoked cigars on the beach, watched a movie and went to bed early. This completely average experience allowed me to enjoy New Year’s Eve in a non-traditional way.
Few expectations leads to little or no disappointment. This Halloween I went on a tour of Alcatraz with a few friends who are also sober. My main goal was to be away from bars and drunk guys dressed in Dinosaur onesies. I wasn’t comparing my plans to other people’s or wishing we were doing more. I was satisfied with what we were doing because I wasn’t trying to get more out of the experience than it could provide. Sometimes the best way to avoid expectations is to give myself a satisfaction minimum. For example, if I go to a party and stay until the end, that’ll be good enough. With satisfaction minimums, I know I’ll always get something out of the experience.
Image by Cora Thornton-Silver
During previous Christmases I’ve gone on holiday with my family. At times these trips were stressful, despite lying on a Caribbean beach or swimming with Dolphins in Mexico. I knew I could handle the potential discomfort of being around them if I was going to get time alone later or have at least one meaningful conversation with someone at the dinner table. One easy going interaction would make the whole experience worthwhile. And more enjoyment than that would be a bonus. If I get through Christmas this year without drinking I’ll be happy.
Holidays aren’t the only source of unrealistic expectations. I remember going to a party in my neighbourhood in NW London. I was looking forward to socializing and wearing my newest pair of Doc Martens, but when I got there most people were slurring their words in the living room or smoking cigarettes in the back of the garden. When my expectations don’t line up with reality, it’s a reminder that the way an event looks or sounds isn’t the whole story. I never see the un-fun moments from parties in my friends’ Instagram stories, just the parts when people are smiling or laughing with drinks in their hands.
No one can completely eliminate their expectations but I am much more satisfied with my life when I’m not waiting for something better to happen. I feel empty when I want something I can’t have but fulfilled when I’m open to more possibilities. To have zero expectations may be a lot to ask for but having fewer expectations means I’m heading in the right direction.