Irrational Fears and Where to Find Them
Humans are interesting, particular creatures. We cannot help but bubble with laughter when something tickles us, we unknowingly make facial expressions that tip-off our emotions to those around us, we decorate our spaces with trinkets that we love, and we can even communicate silently with the people that we have strong bonds to. Not to mention that it seems as if every single one of us lives our life around some irrational fear.
This idea struck me while I was having a conversation with my roommate about the “irrational” things we do as we live our daily lives. She was telling me that if she has to go somewhere around town that she’s never been before, she gets anxious if she doesn’t know what the parking situation will be like — occasionally, this uncertainty is so strong, she might avoid going altogether!
I’m not any exception — I get wildly uncomfortable when I’m in public waiting for someone to come and meet me. I have a tendency to show up late to social events in order to avoid being seen waiting for anyone. This is particularly strange because I’m a fairly independent person — I go places by myself all of the time. I like taking myself out to dinner, I run errands by myself, I go sit at a coffee shop on my own for hours, and even take day trips by myself. But if I’m waiting for someone else, my brain becomes anxiety-central. It’s as if I can’t engage any sense of purpose until the person I’m awaiting shows up; until then, I feel awkward and in the way.
After sharing all of this with my roommate, I got to thinking — I bet every single one of us has tiny irrational fears or rules we live our lives by in order to avoid feeling uncomfortable. Beyond that, we probably criticize ourselves for doing it. So, in order to normalize these little habits of ours a little bit, I reached out to the La Tonique team and asked them to share what some of their daily fears were, “irrational” or not, to be published anonymously. Here were some of the responses:
“I had a fear in college, where on the first day when we had to introduce ourselves I would get a massive panic attack. I would even leave the room.”
“I literally cannot go anywhere if I don’t know anyone who is there or if I am not with someone. To the point where I will show up, wait in the car until I find someone I know or I will leave.
“I used to have the biggest fear of being in front of large groups of people; in college, I used to walk in and pick the seat closest to where I entered.
“I get nervous asking for help when I can’t find something in a store. I would purposefully avoid store workers who looked like they wanted to come to help me find what I’m looking for.”
“When I was in college, I’d leave my friends' houses when people I didn’t know would show up because I got anxious and worried they wouldn’t like me.”
“Anything involving an ex I had a deep connection to. Even seeing an Instagram post; big anxiety.”
“Public speaking, especially when I’m a sociable person. Presentations, ordering at a bar scare me to death even if I’m in a room full of friends who’ve heard me speak on a daily. Also speaking on the phone! Making appointments and interviews I’ll avoid until it’s not possible. Sometimes I cancel so I can avoid the call.”
“I can’t schedule things late in the day because my whole day becomes one long anxious pattern hoping nothing interrupts my ability to attend.”
Fears. We all have them, and they definitely vary in their intensity. However, an irrational fear becomes a phobia when it prevents a person from moving through their life with ease and becomes so severe that an affected person will greatly overcompensate to avoid whatever is causing the phobia. Just know that whatever your fear is — whether you feel like it’s irrational, weird, or anything else on a negative spectrum — you’re far from alone.
