I Played “We’re Not Really Strangers” With a Stranger from Tinder

Warning: feelings may arise. 

That’s the tagline on the connection-seeking card game, “We’re Not Really Strangers”’ 

Truth is, I love talking to strangers. I prefer sitting bar-top to table so that I can chat with the bartenders and people nearby — out of all the people on the planet, I’m always curious as to who I’ll get to sit next to. I like asking my Uber drivers for recommendations in new (and old) cities and asking why they like that spot so much. I just genuinely enjoy getting to know who people are beneath the surface. We all have a personality that we greet strangers with and maybe even go to work with, but we all have a story to tell, and that’s exactly what the creator of “We’re Not Really Strangers” wants us to access.

The game describes itself as a “purpose-driven card game and movement all about empowering meaningful connections.” With three card levels designed primarily for two (but up to six) players, WNRS brings participants through “Perception,” “Connection,” and “Reflection” cards, all intended to break down our walls and let players know that, truly, none of us are strangers to each other.  

I’ve owned the game for about six months and have been able to play with a few close friends, but I wanted to take it — as well as my own curiosity — to the next level. I wanted to know what it would be like to play this game with a total stranger. In 2021, that was a perfect job for Tinder. 

I think that was the coolest part of this entire experience — the fact that Lexi and I would have had absolutely no reason to cross paths otherwise. We live and work at opposite ends of town, hang out at different places, and don’t know any of the same people. I am exceptionally grateful for her, for the connection that both a dating app and a card game could bring us, and for the enhanced perspective that really, everyone you meet has stories and dreams and fears that you might resonate with. 

I already had a Tinder profile for, ahem, personal reasons, but I decided I would change my bio and add a few pictures of the card game asking if anyone would be willing to play. After a few days, I got a match: Alexi, 23, two miles away. Loosely acquainted with the game, she was down to get out of her comfort zone and play with me!

A brief Messenger conversation about her history with the game (she had played a couple of cards with a group once), exchanging phone numbers, and setting a time landed us face to face at a local coffee shop. I was late (as per usual), and she was early (as per un-usual, I found out later). I could tell her walls were up and that she was nervous, but hell, so was I. Even at the stoplight before turning into the parking lot of the cafe, I suddenly found myself practically shaking with butterflies at a glance of the card deck on the passenger’s seat. I’m really about to go be vulnerable in front of a total stranger! Wow!

I got my coffee (mine, an Americano; hers, an iced dirty chai), and we settled in to chat. Keep in mind that the only communication that we’d had leading up to this was over Messenger, and we talked about nothing else besides the game and what time we could meet up. We hadn’t asked each other any personal questions, so I was walking very blindly into this. 

As nervous as we both clearly were, “We’re Not Really Strangers” certainly has a way of breaking down people’s walls. While some cards are designed to be fun and silly, others will really make you think about your responses. There was quite a bit of laughter, tons of side-stories and explanations, and it turns out that Lexi and I are pretty similar people. It also turned out that her willingness to come to play this game with me was actually really out of character for her. She told me after a few rounds that even her friends were shocked and said, “Wait, you’re doing that?!” I was impressed and pleasantly surprised — I love being a catalyst for someone to leave their comfort zone. I think Alexi was the perfect person to play this game with. We both had a good read on each other right off the bat — even if it was a little uncomfortable to make totally blind assumptions about someone. We both seem to be pretty laid-back people who approach life with a healthy dose of curiosity, and I think that helped our conversation thrive. 

The first round is all about perceptions and breaking the ice, so the questions were pretty funny when played with somehow I knew literally nothing about. Questions like “Do you think I was popular in high school?” to “Do you think plants thrive or die in my care? Explain.” and “Do you think I’m usually early, on time, or late?” — I sort of gave myself away on the latter by being late to the entire event. There was a lot of nervous giggling to accompany the natural stories that the cards evoked, from childhood TV show favorites to fast food preferences. Both of us started to relax a bit and have fun with the cards now that we knew sort of what to expect.

So we thought. The second round, “Connection,” threw me through a loop. Although I had played the game before and thought I knew what to expect, something about digging so deep with a stranger really made me stop and reflect on who I am at my core — it was nerve-wracking! These questions were much more intense: “Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn’t mean it?” “What lesson took you the longest to unlearn?” “How can you become a better person?” It was here that I learned how out of her nature this experience was for Alexi. Hearing that even Lexi’s friends were surprised she agreed to play the game made me even more appreciative of her. In this round, we started to uncover the more vulnerable parts of ourselves, and it turns out Lexi and I struggle with similar things. Both of us have a hard time combating the fear of missing out and pouring too much energy into the people we love rather than ourselves. I never would have gotten to know these things about her in casual, passive interaction. 

I think that was the coolest part of this entire experience — the fact that Lexi and I would have had absolutely no reason to cross paths otherwise. We live and work at opposite ends of town, hang out at different places, and don’t know any of the same people. I am exceptionally grateful for her, for the connection that both a dating app and a card game could bring us, and for the enhanced perspective that really, everyone you meet has stories and dreams and fears that you might resonate with. 

The final round, “Reflection,” gave us a chance to paint a fuller picture of each other and tie things together. “What question were you most afraid to answer?” “What do you think our most important similarity is?” But the best part in my opinion is the final card, asking each player to write a hand-written note to the other, and only open the note once players have parted from one another. Now, I have a physical piece of this experience to hold on to and remind me of the gratitude I felt after connecting with Lexi over ‘We’re Not Really Strangers’ (as well as the selfie that one of our “wildcards” asked us to take together). 

I highly recommend this game for whatever connection, new or old, you’re looking to foster. Beyond that, I love to follow the game’s Instagram account, @werenotreallystrangers for daily inspiration. Happy connecting!