Let’s talk about menstrual cycles.

If you’re a woman — or a person who experiences a menstrual cycle — then you know plenty well about the annoyances that come alongside them. The knee-buckling cramps, the incessant bleeding, the nagging cravings, the raging hormones — it is truly a nightmare to behold. The only “good” thing about periods is that they serve as an indication that your reproductive system is working properly. They keep the body regulated.

So, what happens when that regularity slips away? It is time to talk about PCOS, a disorder that affects one’s menstrual cycle, body, and general health.

Polycystic ovarian syndrome, or “PCOS,” is an endocrine disorder, one in which the ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens — male sex hormones — which are typically present in women in small quantities. When there is an increase in male sex hormones in a biological woman’s body, this often leads to the development of cysts inside the ovaries. These cysts can complicate a woman’s ability to ovulate and experience a monthly menstrual cycle.

This disorder is not a new discovery. First described and investigated in 1935 by Stein and Leventhal, polycystic ovarian syndrome has been a diagnosable disorder for decades. It is the most common endocrine disorder found inside women that are of reproductive age. Yet, despite its prominence, it often goes undiagnosed by both primary doctors and gynecologists. It can take up to a year to receive an official diagnosis — if not longer. The exact “cause” of PCOS is still unknown, although speculation and scientific studies suggest that the development of PCOS may be connected to stress, genetics, and environmental factors.

The disorder comes with a host of other complications, including but not limited to obesity, infertility, excessive hair growth, depression, anxiety, insulin resistance, acne, high cholesterol, pain in the pelvic area, etcetera etcetera. Considering the severity of the disorder, knowing that a doctor is unable to give you a clear reason as to why you’re struggling with your physical health is disheartening. I would know, considering my own experience living with the disorder.

I first began experiencing the bulk of my symptoms at 17 years old. After not having a period for 11 months, growing excess body hair in new places, and gaining close to 50 pounds — seemingly out of thin air, mind you — I knew that something was going on internally. So, I went to my doctor.

Then, another doctor.

And another doctor after that.

After 8 months of testing, appointments, and frustration, I finally received a formal diagnosis. Of course, it was polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was poked and prodded with needle after needle. I was informed of the health risks. I was informed of the risk of infertility. I was placed on medication, assigned a nutritionist, and sent on my merry way. 

Then, I cried beside my mother in the car on our way home, prescription in hand. 

It should have been a fresh breath of air, to finally have an explanation for my mood swings, severe weight gain, and altogether loss of my menstrual cycle. Yet, all I felt was pain. When you have polycystic ovarian syndrome, your body often feels like a warzone. Through the process of being diagnosed, it often felt as though the spotlight was on my physical appearance and my future with baby-making, rather than my overall health and well-being. The societal pressures to look a certain way and to have children add an extra layer of stress atop what is already an emotionally taxing disorder. 

The experience forced me to wrestle with my own previously warped sense of womanhood.

Here is what I learned: 

• You do not need to biologically bear children to be a “real” woman. 

• You do not need to be perfectly slender in all of the right places to be a “real” woman. 

• You do not need to be hairless and smooth and acne-free to be a “real” woman. 

• Hairy, big, acne riddled, and infertile all at the same time? You are beautiful, strong, and a woman through and through.  

Women are not baby-making machines. Women do not exist to fit one beauty standard, nor do we exist to fit any beauty standards. Point, blank, period. Our health is what matters most. 

Polycystic ovarian syndrome may be a fight, but rest assured: you are never fighting it alone.