Finding Your Everyday Ritual

By David Boddy

Pagans, witches and the Illuminati… or… your grandad sliding into his slippers and dangling his feet in front of the fire. When we speak of ‘ritual’, it’s not always to refer to the routines and practises of the mystical or fantastical. More often, it’s the little habits that we each have worked into nature. 

Snapping off a segment of chocolate from between your teeth and allowing it to sit in the warm well of your mouth, awaiting the explosion of taste... 

Lowering yourself slowly into a deep bath, sliding down past the hot steam that rises up and over your head…

Wriggling your way out the back of the workplace, lighting up a cigarette and with a sharp inhale, feeling your shoulders as they sink back down to your sides…

Rituals — we all have ‘em! Whether we are aware of them or not. Whether we actually name them as such (‘rituals’) or we’re simply just doing our thing.

I say ritual, and by that, I’m referring to an action, ceremony or type of engagement with an object, environment or any other focal point; one from outside of yourself. We can muster awareness from within, but a ‘ritual’ requires us to pin that focus upon something. More often, it’s through the use of the external objects, or props, with which we can submerge ourselves deeper into the reality of what we are focusing upon. Bringing our attention toward what the ceremony or ritual that we are practising signifies.

Finding ritual in the everyday

Can you think of something that you frequently engage in? Something that you take to often, either for pleasure or the sake of habit; a reoccurring moment or action that you’re all so familiar with; steps that you’ve followed, again and again, that may involve other people, items or details… I mentioned a few examples above that you may relate to?

Try to piece together some of the components and conditions that, say, have you ‘unwind’. 

This may be: Changing into your cosiest clothes, sitting in your comfiest chair, watching your favourite programme and eating some comforting food. Here, with the example of what an ‘unwinding ritual’ may involve, there is (1.) a uniform (2.) a location (3.) an interaction (4.) a form of communion. These are some of the physical, external components of your attempt to ‘chill out’. Of course, you could manage without these things — but we humans seem somewhat drawn toward the ceremony. 

It’s as though we are trying to programme ourselves into a mode of being, each token contributing to the message that we are communicating.

We direct our awareness toward a goal or intention, using physical steps that result in a psychological reaction — this is a ritual. 

Can you notice ritual within your own life?

It’s a powerful practice! If you can use rituals rather than simply and unconsciously doing them, then perhaps you can harness a little more of the powers for yourself...

If a ritual is created out of purpose, with a direct aim or intention (the kind of ceremonies that we are not all familiar with) then it may not be something all positive or even at all pleasurable. 

One major tool that sharpens attention and brings awareness is pain. Pain contributes toward a heightened presence — arguably with greater effect than the world of pleasure…
Where is your attention when you burn your hand? …toward your hand?

What about when you stub your toe? ...toward your toes, right?

Pain has tremendous power over our awareness and for this reason, it can be used as a tool in ritual. For example, in meditation certain postures are traditionally assumed. After a short while, a posture will become uncomfortable or even painful. Of course, for many, this is very off-putting — but for the practised meditator, it simply heightens the awareness and with that, the choice: To act? Or to resume meditation?

There is something to be said for sadistic rituals and their immense power over the psyche. But, I wish to be relatable… We all have rituals of pleasure in common! Whether we know it or not — they help us eke out as much joy as possible from life's little luxuries and they may host a retreat when life has us down… 

My aim is to help you notice every ritual of your own, those that you may carry out every day! 

Why? Because ritual is enriching, it can bring us closer to that which we love and bring us peace when we are cast in shade. Awareness, mindfulness and peace are at the heart of the ritual. 

We don’t need peace or ease but simply awareness of what already exists. (Chinh Le Duc)

With intention,  what you may already practice unknowingly, may be realized for its true value. By this, I mean that what brings you joy, peace, happiness or what simply makes you aware of ‘you’, can be appreciated, celebrated and acclaimed for exactly that. A practice or ‘ritual’ can bring you closer than ever before to something that you have decided is worth being close to.

Ritual as repetition

Intentional rituals are commonly carried out in the name of religion or spirituality. Religious and spiritual walks utilize the practice as they understand the power of intention. In their experiences, such a practice of ritual can bring them closer to God, Gods, spirit and/or purpose. 

Gathering instruments, attire, symbolism, the grounds and a community — intention and ritual can aid a person toward greater depth of understanding and/or a deeper relationship to what they practice. I like to think of it as a ‘submersion’ effect. 

Ritual is born of repetition… when we repeat a certain action, it can often become ritualistic without our intent. We run through the processes and ‘tick all the boxes’. With repetition, we familiarise ourselves with the processes and can carry out the ritual without a second thought. Like muscle memory (the ability for muscle tissue to repeat an action each time with greater ease) we’re beginning to be shaped around the process/es involved with our ritual. After all, the brain is a muscle too... 

Much like when a dog salivates as it can hear the sound of its biscuits falling into its bowl — our body and subconscious mind, as well as our conscious mind, will fall into a rhythm that is triggered by routine aspects of any given ritual. The physical attributes of what we are intentionally laying out, do, in some sense, determine how our psyche, subconscious and even physical body will function. Like I said — it’s a powerful tool! 

You do already use it, I can assure you! Whether it’s intentional or not — you’re bound to fall into a rhythm. But to know it — better still — use it, will offer you great results.  

Place yourself in the driver’s seat 

Naturally, we react to physical change and representation in ways that can be deeply emotional. So, the physical can be used to ‘control’ or at least provoke emotional change. I would say it’s a superpower, as it can often seem that way. But, in actuality, it’s incredibly mundane! We’re physical beings after all…
The question is, do we use it? Do we take advantage of props, totems, symbols, communion, environments, etcetera, etcetera?  To use them with intention, so that we guide ourselves toward whatever our mind may see fit. 

Utilize the tools that are around you, place yourself in the driver's seat, and with intention, gather the results of your practice. That’s what it’s all about: practice!

We want areas of our lives to be enriched — awareness and intention are the tools for that. With intention we gather awareness; with awareness, an experience becomes rich — ritual acts as a crutch in awareness.  

My gratitude ritual

I have a simple ritual that I do most days, maybe it can inspire some ideas of your own? It is up to you to decide what you can work into a ritual and when best it is done… 

I simply sit by an altar, composed of select items I’ve gathered for their sentimental value, a little like a magpie taking jewels to a nest...
I sit on the floor, in silence and light a candle. For a while, I tend just to stare into the candlelight… Thinking or not thinking; just being mesmerized by the life of the flame — it never gets old! I like to end my ‘candle trance’ with a little gratitude for my having a sense of sight…

Next, I sound a charm and I simply sit in the presence of the sound that it brings — thinking or not thinking; just being in the space of the sound… Again, I end with a quick ‘thanks’ to the simple joy of hearing…

I continue like this around my senses and other aspects of myself and my surroundings that I am grateful for. I guess you could call it a ‘gratitude’ ritual… Each thing, as I have mentioned, maybe a token or totem to simply guide the attention towards any matter that we may decide is important. If you think something is important, try honoring it in this way. 

Starting your own gratitude ritual

To start a ritual of your own I’d recommend thinking of something that you’re grateful for, something that brings you joy or pleasure. Because you likely already have a ritual for it — it just needs gracing with a little intention. This is a power of mindfulness, nothing needs to change except our understanding of being aware of it — we don’t need peace or ease but simply awareness of what already exists. 

Likewise, if you love the taste of chocolate then a ‘chocolate ritual’ won’t change the flavor — you wouldn’t want it to right? Simply, you’re making a ‘space’ for yourself to enjoy the chocolate and giving time to doing exactly that. Rather than ripping it out of its packet and swallowing it down in front of the TV or whilst driving a car...
In a quiet setting, dedicated to the pure satisfaction of the chocolate, I’m sure you’ll find more than flavor in your favor. Let yourself ride the wave! 

Maybe a ‘chocolate ritual’ is for you? It’s simple because it’s so tasty! Don’t just tear in and munch your way on down to your fingertips. Instead, find a special spot, a comfy spot. Admire the form and senses of your sweet treat before you taste it — be aware of its physical existence before it is to become a sensual one. Then, when you’re ready, taste it. By paying attention and bringing awareness to the process of this delight, as well as the delight itself, you’ll be drawn further into the experience of what you already know to be a pleasure!  

It’s not hard to be mindful. It’s not confusing to practice ritual. It’s like rolling the windows down and driving in economy mode. The destination is one state, but the journey offers many.

David is a lifestyle writer for La Tonique.