By Writer

If I was on track to normality, the spring of 2020 would have been my college graduation year. Instead, I had dropped out and spent the past two years resenting myself for taking away what were supposed to be “the best times of my life”. I swapped red solo cups for hospital visits where I was constantly testing out new medications like a lab rat. My pastimes included crying and comparing myself to successful peers that stay committed to school. It was my pity party and everyone was invited. Then something deranged happened that stopped the mental manipulation going on in my head. The world had come to a pause, and everything my peers had worked for the past four years was taken away from them in less than one news cycle. 

While classes moved to the online platform, Zoom, friends were calling me crying, not sure if they had the tenacity to finish the semester through a computer. People that I had never seen struggle before were reaching out to me for advice on how I stayed so strong through my mental health hiccups. There was no way these strong, academic-focused adults were coming to me of all people for insight on what to do when your world gets flipped upside down. It was an epiphany that shifted my perspective overnight. If I had stayed on track, I would be in the middle of a crisis right along with these friends. My graduation would be conducted over a computer screen, and I would have my spring semester stripped away from me. For once, I felt like my misfortunes were aligning. Not paying off sort of speak, but conjuring with the mess of the world that I swore only my choices could lead me to. It taught me that everything does happen for a reason. There was no reason to be so upset with myself for I wasn’t in charge of the future. 

While the majority of the population was losing their minds during quarantine, I couldn’t help but chuckle at how much of this shift was my everyday norm. Running around the house in my pajamas coming up with in-house activities was my favorite form of productivity. While I wish no harm to anyone during this incredibly sensitive time, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I was selfish for finding peace in knowing I wasn’t the only one suffering. It felt good to admit I was doing terrible but didn’t owe society an explanation as to why. Maybe those who had never suffered from a mental illness before were able to gain some perspective on the insanity always running through our heads. I started to reform bonds with people I thought were once too good for me. Friends and I would laugh at how boring our lives were as unemployed adults. We would compare how obnoxious our parents were becoming while living in their basement. A scheduled Facetime session acted as our Friday night out plans. It was almost as if the acts of a depressed person became the new social norm in The United States. 

If I’m being completely transparent, I’m not excited for the world to return back to normality. Granted, I know it’s needed for our economy and overall well-being. However, I’m not ready to go back to comparing myself to someone’s instagram post. I’m not ready to stay in bed while I watch all my friends go back out to the job market. I wish we could all stay in bed and watch The Real Housewives forever. Yet, I know that’s not reality and one day I will have to get better and be right there with my peers complaining about first world problems. For now, we’ll continue wearing our pajamas and aim for a more empathetic world as we’re on the road to recovery.

By La Tonique lifestyle staff